Crying?

Ahhh...I have to put this one up on LapbandTalk....

Went to my monthly appointment today and actually saw my surgeon, who I think is a phenomenal doctor and person. As I have mentioned before on here, he too was banded. He looked at my 14 and 12 lb monthly loses over the last two months and said NO JUICE - and I am happy about that because I have been struggling a little, although it has been better lately.

We talked for awhile, about hair loss (it will stop when my weight stablizes) and having a glass of wine with dinner (you'll figure out how to do it someday). We also talked about the stress on relationships from such a life-changing event. A major topic was the issue of guilt - and how I no longer have guilt around food and how I feel that void so strongly sometimes that it hurts! It was a really great appointment, the kind that everyone deserves to have. And before I left, he said that the next 50 lbs will be life altering in a way I haven't experienced yet. He gave me a hug.

I got in my car, drove through the Lincoln Tunnel on my way back to Jersey and promptly started crying. Not sad. Not really happy. Scared I think. I don't know. I no longer feel like people look at me and think, WHOA, she's fat. I no longer feel uncomfortable in public. I have clothes that look nice on me. I don't mind being naked (don't love it yet, but definitely don't mind). What am I scared of?

Got home and called the addiction therapist that I met with pre-surgery as one of my insurance requirements. Trying to make an appointment for January. Maybe he can help me with this scared thing.... what am I scared of? How can I be scared? And is it scared? Or is it happy? awwwwhhhhhh.....

When I met with the therapist the first time, he talked a lot about how the FAT BRAIN stays around a lot longer than the FAT BODY. But I told him then and I still feel now that I have always felt like a SKINNY person in a horribly torturous fat body. So this progress I have made is toward the reconciliation of my self and my body. Should that not be a good thing?