Oh man, I probably shouldn't be writing this but I have to share this very new feeling I had today. All names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Today my husband and I went to a New Year's brunch at a friend's house. We are very good friends with the two couples. And the two couples have been friends for more than 20 years. One of the wives is super healthy, awesome body that she works hard for. (She is positively lovely - they actually both are.) The other wife is extremely obese and so is her husband. They all knew I was having the surgery but they have not seen me since I lost the 60+ pounds to date. When I got there, every one commented on how great I look, but I have to say, I was embarrassed to be skinnier. It was a weird feeling. I am the fat one, that's my role. And I am no longer the fat one. And they asked me questions about my new lifestyle and my new eating habits and I was very hesitant to talk about how happy I am. I did not want the one heavier wife to feel like I felt I was better now. It was wildly uncomfortable and I was VERY careful to not talk about anything other than mechanics.
Then, to top it all off, this evening, I went out to dinner with my kids, my mom and my husband. I was telling my mom how I felt and my husband says, "In my opinion, you never should have said anything. You have to be careful how you make people feel." Has he lost his GD mind? I just stared at him with my mouth open. I didn't even know what to say. I have to be careful how I make people feel?????? It's not like I bought a new car - or freaking bought myself a $100,000 ring. I freaking had surgery to improve my health. I was fat and unhealthy and I was tired and miserable. And, I thought I did well by not focusing on how much I hated being fat, but rather on the changes I have had to make. When did this person's feelings trump mine? I think my husband actually believes that this wife does not mind being fat. I think he ignores the fact that they don't have children and she is 42 and they don't travel as much as they used to because she has to purchase two seats. I think he probably thinks she isn't uncomfortable every time she gets dressed - and maybe he even thinks she enjoyed her hernia repair surgery and the fibroids in her uterus. Did he not spend the last 16 years of his life living with a morbidly obese woman? Does he actually believe that I am unique in my sadness and frustration? Fat people have A LOT in common. I guess my skinny husband doesn't get it. Then maybe he should accept that he doesn't get it and not coach me on my interactions. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Anyway....
Happy New Year people - this is my year - is it yours?
It is my year and it is yours!! You look flipping fantastic btw. I don't think your husband understands. I mean that is probably obvious but I guess I would have a serious conversation with him and try and get him to understand and be on your side. It has to be a little irritating when your friends can't fully understand but even harder when it is your husband who isn't as supportive as you'd like. But in the end your life will be longer because of this and that is the most important thing. Hope that wasn't babble.
ReplyDeleteOh my heavens, Lady!! You look absolutely amazing! So healthy,so vibrant, so beautiful!!! I am sooooo proud of YOU! And, if you ask me, I think that if your feeling better, looking better and being more healthy helps ONE person get motivated to seriously look at themselves, and resolve to help themselves, you will have perhaps saved their life! Something maybe you & the Hubster need to discuss.....
ReplyDeleteThis is YOUR success and you've earned thr right to shout it from the rooftops!
People may be uncomfortable by what you say, don't say, how you look, how you act, if you are quiet and reserved about your success, etc. Celebrate your success in any way YOU see fit. Wear your new jeans proudly. Those who project their insecurities on you will survive. They own the problem, not you. Anyone who cares about your health and well-being will dance alongside you for each and every step along the way until you reach your goal. You have done very well and deserve every positive moment that comes your way. Bravissima!
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