Temporary and Imaginary

Went to NYU yesterday for my one year appointment with Dr. George Fielding.  Did I mention I have a crush?

Bariatric surgeons are self esteem counselors in disguise.  If you don't feel that way, then find someone who makes you feel that good.  He walked in and said, WOW, You're hot.  Come on now... like that didn't feel FAB!!!  I gave him the picture and he said, you know what, I am not putting this on the wall.  I am going to put it on my desk.  A superstar he said.  I felt like a million bucks for sure.

We discussed my weight since I have now passed my goal.  He said that I should really never weigh less than 145 lbs given my height.  Since the plastic surgeon estimated 8 lbs of skin, he told me that I should try to stay around 152-155 lbs until surgery.  That said, he left my fill alone and told me to come back if and when I get to 150 lbs and he would take some out and that should stabilize my weight.  Needless to say, this was the most bizarre converstion of my life.  Discussing how not to be too skinny.  Come on, it was almost surreal.

I have titled this post "Temporary and Imaginary" because I kind of felt that way for the rest of the day.  Like it was too good to be true - like it was a temporary rush.  I almost cannot describe it.  George told me it took him a full year to recognize his own reflection.  I have honestly never thought that much ahead of today.  A year?  I get to keep this body for another year?  I don't have to turn it in now?  So strange the things a mind can do.  This is who I am now.  I am no longer defined by my padding.

We talked for a while about my marriage and about how destabilizing a rapid change like mine can be on my relationships with other people.  He said that no matter what my husband says, a newly skinny wife can create great insecurity and that I should always be cognizant of it.  We also talked about how resentment builds when you feel like people you love are not supportive and how we have to work to manage that resentment.  Again, like I have said before, there is something truly special about a surgeon who also has the band.  He gets it.  He's lived it.  He knows from personal experience - not just professional experience.  

So now....I enter maintenance.  This is the life of non-losers.  Nothing to lose - but everything to gain.  I would be lying if I didn't say I felt some pressure.  Is what they say also true for bandsters?  It's easier to maintain than lose?   Let's find out.