Monday, December 26, 2011

For real this time

I am going to get my first unfill ever in 2 weeks.  For real this time.... no playing.

First of all, I have lost 137-140 lbs now in 17 months.  I weigh between 146 and 148 lbs.  I am a solid size 6. 

Secondly, and most importantly, people have started to comment.  And comment the other way... my house cleaner, who is crazy, outgoing and unedited, told me the other day that I looked better with 10 more pounds on me.  And a friend of my husband's, who I skyped with today, told me that I look too skinny.  That is two people in one week. 

My ribs do show.  My collar bone is exposed.  My hip bones have no padding.  My face has changed a lot in the last 25 lbs.  I get it.  I just don't get it.  I have a lifetime of the "MUST LOSE" mentality.  And I know that not all lap band patients get to this point, where they must learn to slow the beast.  So there is not a lot of support or references on this topic.  There are in fact still days where I feel fat.  There are days when I confuse skin with body fat.  But it's time. 

I am going to have them pull .25 ccs.  That should help me hold rather than gain.  I don't want to gain.  I will feel very out of control if I start to gain. 

I know this post is retarded.... but I made a promise to post about my journey - and this is my current pit stop along the way.  Crazy.
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3 comments:

  1. VanessaDecember 26, 2011 at 6:37 PM

    This post is not retarded! It's good to hear about all parts of the journey. For me, I'm still 20 pounds from goal and have no clue what that will feel like. Thanks for sharing.

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  2. SamDecember 27, 2011 at 5:02 AM

    There's nothing retard about this post, blogging is about the whole journey, not just loosing the weight. I think you have done an amazing job to loose all your excess weight and are at a stage that you can stop and even afford to gain a few pounds!! Congrats :o)

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  3. CatDecember 27, 2011 at 11:32 AM

    I think it's important to talk about all the parts of the journey. Not just the shiny "I'm a protein rockstar!" etc. I think this post was necessary, thanks for posting. And wow, would you have ever thought 17 mos ago someone would say the words "too skinny" to you? Congratulations.

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