I am trying to learn how to be assertive. Those who know me, know that I am vocal, sometimes defensive and definitely aggressive in many ways. I am outgoing and I have a dominant personality. So it surprised me when my therapist charged me with developing my assertiveness. What? I tell people when I am happy or not. I tell people what I want. And he said, yes, I am sure you do. But you don't insist that they respond in a certain way. Well no, I guess I don't. And then I end up beating myself up because everyone seems to let me down. Why do heavy people tend to self-doubt? Why do heavy people often think that their opinions mean less - or that their wants have to remain unfulfilled? I need some insight here on "assertiveness" - what does it mean to you?
"Assertiveness" to me means standing up to what is right, what is good, and what is meaningful to me and to those around me. One can be humble and still be assertive. I believe that assertiveness doesn't need to be obnoxious or pious but at the same time making it crystal clear where I stand and what my boundries are - and that I expect both to be respected, while still remaining who I am.
ReplyDeleteI am working on being assertive as well. For me, it's expressing my opinion or needs, but not in an angry way. I have always had a fear of what people think of me and also a fear of people being mad at me. Together, those two things kept me from speaking up. I usually act like the doormat, but I am getting better as I get older.
ReplyDeleteI like how your therapist puts it...insisting that people react a certain way to your requests. I guess one way you could word it would be, "I need you to help me do..blah, blah, blah."
Good lord..a loaded question and now I am thinking again. I am very similar. I am outgoing, assertive, and aggressive. I don't even know what to say because now I am thinking about my assertiveness too! Do the people around you think you are assertive?
ReplyDelete