10 Months....

Today is my 10 month anniversary of being banded.  In some ways, it feels like yesterday.  But in most ways, it feels like it has always been like this.  Like I have always had my eating under control, that I always had success.  But that's not true and I have to remind myself that I have come so far in so little time.  My weight has always been something I hated about myself.  But today, it feels unimportant.  Maybe it is because big things are happening around me and this success seems dwarfed.  Maybe because in relation to the things that are really important in my life, this was not the biggest issue. I loved my children even when I was fat.  I loved my husband even at 286 pounds.  I simply did not love me.  And that lack of loving myself has gotten me bad things but also motivated me to achieve good things.  I feel like I am ready to be reborn.... what will tomorrow bring?