Keeping My Friends

4 days post-op... ventured over to our neighbor's house. I must admit that I am a little reluctant... not because I don't love them (they are awesome) but because we eat and drink together. Upon arrival see that another couple, also mutual friends, are already there. Quick panic moment - how am I going to handle this??? They all know of course that I have had the surgery - and they are people I love and enjoy being with. So why am I freaking out?

I sat with my bottle of diet snapple - not a chip in my mouth, not a piece of pizza, not a glass of wine. Turns out they are still hysterical and still just as lovely, even when I am not medicating myself with food. Turns out that the lap band doesn't make you change friends (unless of course that friend's name is FOOD).

I've Been Banded...

It's official. Monday July 26. I know, I know...it is now days later but honestly, I didn't feel like sitting at a computer. Now...I feel better.

Reported to NYU on Monday at 7am. My husband I and were escorted back by a nurse around 8:30am. There, we met with nurses who repeated questioned us on our allergies and medications. We were weighed. We met with the anethesiologist (a lovely man). I got dressed in my gown, slippers and hair covering and off we went.

I was in shock of my lack of nervousness. I walked about my from husband and down the long hallway with the nurse. Into the operation room. I sat down on the table and was asked to lie back and put my arms out at each side. An IV was started (which didn't hurt at all), conversation was funny and light. They discussed my tan lines and my tea burn and made me giggle. The anethesiologist asked me to take a couple of deep breaths on the mask, that that was it. I woke a short while later in the NYU PACU - the only pain I had was a sharp gas pain in my shoulder. The nurse was lovely and funny and soon my husband was allowed back to sit with me.

About an hour later I was given my room and up we went. The hospital was lovely and the staff were amazing. I spent the next several hours walking and drinking and trying to urinate so I could be granted my release papers ;)

At 6pm, Dr. Fielding came to see me and discharged me. Really, it was a very smooth experience - who would have known how life changing it really was?? (Dr. Fielding does...)

And now I am home - feeling much better than yesterday. Off my pain meds - drinking thin liquids - like coffee, protein shakes, vitamin water. I have moments that give me pause as I consider that I know have a life long foreign object in my body... but this band will become my friend... the thing that reminds me how much I want this and how much I am willing to do to be happy.

It's on...

Called NYU tonight as was instructed and have been given my arrival time of 7am. I am at once grateful for the early cattle call, but also cognizant of the fact that I have a long drive into the city, early in the morning. I am excited and not yet nervous...I know that will come. Having had surgery before, I know how nerve wracking that time where you are being prepped can be - I also know how fast it goes and how quickly I will be up and out of there and back in my own house. Here's to new beginnings...taking my measurements tonight. Cheers!

The Breakup

You know that feeling when you break up with someone...how you know it's done but then you spend a day or two focusing on the good stuff and have moments when you want to go back. That's where I am mentally with my relationship with food - that's where I am at day 11 of my 14 day liquid diet leading to surgery on Monday. I feel like I know the obsession is over - the negative relationship I have had with food my whole life. We've been separated now for 11 days and although I find myself reminiscing about its pleasures, I know deep down inside of me that it is over.

Dramatic Tuesday

Really...could I get a little more dramatic? Doctor said I am fine for surgery. I am now officially a mope. I havge 5 days left and I am not sure I can gulp another protein shake, sip another cup of broth or spoon another glob of jello into my mouth. This liquid diet is designed to break us.... I am on to their game.

Do you always sound like that?

I went to NYU yesterday at noon to do my pre-operative testing. A nurse went through what I should expect next Monday morning and she took blood and did an EKG. My blood pressure was slightly elevated at 125/84.

The problems start when I walk in to see the anethesiologist and her first question is "Do you always sound like that?" What does that mean? Nasal? Well - I had a sinus infection 3 weeks ago and I am still coughing. Well, perhaps we should reschedule the surgery then.....surely she's joking....oh come on. No......

She agrees to keep my current surgery schedule for Monday but asks that I call on Friday to confirm that I am feeling 100%. Do I ever feel 100%? Can I even answer that question???
Probably not - and, as such, I am headed to my primary doctor this morning to allow him to assess my health and thus my surgery preparedness... God help me.

Why "lead singer"?

A couple of months ago on Facebook (my favorite hiding place), several friends from high school were reminscing about things we used to do. I felt they were insinuating that I was the bad girl and when I protested, one of them responded by saying, "COME ON! You were always the lead singer - the life of the party - the focus of attention." This stopped me in my tracks.... how had 20 years changed me so much? At the same time this discussion was going on, I realized that I skipped my 20th high school reunion and rsvped no to a life-long friend's baby shower. I had really wanted to attend those two events - so why didn't I?

I realized that I was hiding - hiding out and letting life pass me by. And all because I am FAT. FAT. There it is... the ex-lead singer is too fat to go out in public - to have normal relationships - to feel comfortable enough to be gazed upon. I have said it....

Now - I am doing something about it.