Yeah baby....ran over a mile straight today with no issues. Getting better...
I have also stopped weighing myself everyday and can I just say, it is extremely rewarding. Because my weight loss is now about 2-3 lbs per week, watching the scale daily can be very frustrating. But when you weigh yourself once a week, the change is pretty mind blowing. I recommend it.
And a comment about Christmas.... a nibble on a Christmas cookie, a couple glasses of wine... no excess... no self control needed and SERIOUSLY...no guilt. Let me just jot that down in my gratitude journal now.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Crying?
Ahhh...I have to put this one up on LapbandTalk....
Went to my monthly appointment today and actually saw my surgeon, who I think is a phenomenal doctor and person. As I have mentioned before on here, he too was banded. He looked at my 14 and 12 lb monthly loses over the last two months and said NO JUICE - and I am happy about that because I have been struggling a little, although it has been better lately.
We talked for awhile, about hair loss (it will stop when my weight stablizes) and having a glass of wine with dinner (you'll figure out how to do it someday). We also talked about the stress on relationships from such a life-changing event. A major topic was the issue of guilt - and how I no longer have guilt around food and how I feel that void so strongly sometimes that it hurts! It was a really great appointment, the kind that everyone deserves to have. And before I left, he said that the next 50 lbs will be life altering in a way I haven't experienced yet. He gave me a hug.
I got in my car, drove through the Lincoln Tunnel on my way back to Jersey and promptly started crying. Not sad. Not really happy. Scared I think. I don't know. I no longer feel like people look at me and think, WHOA, she's fat. I no longer feel uncomfortable in public. I have clothes that look nice on me. I don't mind being naked (don't love it yet, but definitely don't mind). What am I scared of?
Got home and called the addiction therapist that I met with pre-surgery as one of my insurance requirements. Trying to make an appointment for January. Maybe he can help me with this scared thing.... what am I scared of? How can I be scared? And is it scared? Or is it happy? awwwwhhhhhh.....
When I met with the therapist the first time, he talked a lot about how the FAT BRAIN stays around a lot longer than the FAT BODY. But I told him then and I still feel now that I have always felt like a SKINNY person in a horribly torturous fat body. So this progress I have made is toward the reconciliation of my self and my body. Should that not be a good thing?
Went to my monthly appointment today and actually saw my surgeon, who I think is a phenomenal doctor and person. As I have mentioned before on here, he too was banded. He looked at my 14 and 12 lb monthly loses over the last two months and said NO JUICE - and I am happy about that because I have been struggling a little, although it has been better lately.
We talked for awhile, about hair loss (it will stop when my weight stablizes) and having a glass of wine with dinner (you'll figure out how to do it someday). We also talked about the stress on relationships from such a life-changing event. A major topic was the issue of guilt - and how I no longer have guilt around food and how I feel that void so strongly sometimes that it hurts! It was a really great appointment, the kind that everyone deserves to have. And before I left, he said that the next 50 lbs will be life altering in a way I haven't experienced yet. He gave me a hug.
I got in my car, drove through the Lincoln Tunnel on my way back to Jersey and promptly started crying. Not sad. Not really happy. Scared I think. I don't know. I no longer feel like people look at me and think, WHOA, she's fat. I no longer feel uncomfortable in public. I have clothes that look nice on me. I don't mind being naked (don't love it yet, but definitely don't mind). What am I scared of?
Got home and called the addiction therapist that I met with pre-surgery as one of my insurance requirements. Trying to make an appointment for January. Maybe he can help me with this scared thing.... what am I scared of? How can I be scared? And is it scared? Or is it happy? awwwwhhhhhh.....
When I met with the therapist the first time, he talked a lot about how the FAT BRAIN stays around a lot longer than the FAT BODY. But I told him then and I still feel now that I have always felt like a SKINNY person in a horribly torturous fat body. So this progress I have made is toward the reconciliation of my self and my body. Should that not be a good thing?
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