Fat Summer

Being fat in the summer sucks.  I remember.  Just last summer, I clocked in at 286 lbs.  I was one month pre-op.  I was miserable.  I was hot, sweaty, my thighs rubbed together.  I never wanted to go outside or do anything.  I hated going to the pool and got hives at the thought of a bathing suit.  I couldn't wear make up because I would for certain sweat it off.  It was not pretty. 

This year could not be any more different.  I am comfortable.  I don't sweat.  I go places with my children.  I wear a bathing suit at the pool!!  I wear cute sun dresses, skirts and even short shorts (I know, it's my mid life crisis).  I am no longer a hater of the fat summer.  I bare skin.  I am free.

These are the ideas that passed through my head as I got dressed in my jean shorts and tank top today.  I am comfortable.  I am not constantly dreading exposure or discomfort.  I can be me.  Love it.

Cheers to my first non-fat summer in over 22 years!

Arghghghgh

So, those of you who follow know that I went through an extremely tough period at the end of May into this month.  During that time, I lost a ton of weight mostly because I didn't eat anything or go to the gym or do anything other than try to cope minute to minute.  But now, things have started regulating a little and life as I kind of know it has returned.  But my weight won't move.  Not at all in 3 weeks.  I can't tell if I have some bad (iced coffee) habit that is prohibiting it, or if my body is kind of in shock over the torture it withstood, OR I am so close to goal that I can't expect change on a weekly basis?  Who the hell knows.  I do know I am back at the gym.  I do know I drink too much iced coffee.  I do know that I need to get to 160 pounds by the end of July ;)  My feeling is that I threw everything out of whack during my 3 week "fast."  Going to try to get back on track this week.  Wish me luck.  We are off to Costa Rica on Sunday for 2 weeks.

NEW BOOBIES

Well - I have 10 lbs to go and I had my first plastic surgery consult today.  I have never had any cosmetic surgery and was a little hesistant.  But, as my therapist says, working on the outside is cool as long as you are working on the inside as well.  The whole thing is a process and honestly, I feel like seeing the plastic surgeon was a reward for working so hard in the last 11 months. 

It was an interesting visit.  To get completely naked and stand in front of someone who took pictures and then fondled all the droopy areas on your body, was, to say the least, something I had never imagined.  But he was complementary and supportive and wasn't pushing a ton of random work.  He said that having a tummy tuck was going to be life altering for me because of the pannus and the two large babies I had.  He said that I had the ass of someone my age so he didn't think that doing a body lift was necessary (GO TO THE GYM GIRLS!!!).  We went through the tummy tuck and we also discussed a thigh lift but he thought it was extremely premature for me to make that decision.  He said the tuck would give me some lift and I needed to see how I felt a year after that surgery.  On to the boobs ;)  I am so excited that he said he could do a really nice lift without having an implant.  That makes me REALLY happy.  I had enough of a hard time accepting the band in my body, never mind two implants.  He said my arms were not something that I should worry about.  He said I had great skin tone on the rest of my body, arms, back and legs and that I would be really pleased with the tummy tuck and breast lift. 

I kind of feel really good.  It's a lot of money.  And he doesn't do the surgery at the same time.  Plus, I have to do 3 months of vitamin building because he says that lap band patients are often deficient in many of the vitamins that help us heal - so they boost that for awhile before surgery.  He has operated with my bariatric surgeon so he knows how to bury the port (mine now protrudes when I stand up straight).  He said that I had to make sure I was not too tight before surgery because I guess PBing after a tummy tuck hurts like hell.  It was really cool to be with another doctor that understood everything we bandsters go through - and who also took the time to commend the decision and the success.

So now, on to figuring out how to pay for the damn thing.  I need $9500 for the tummy tuck.  My insurance would pay for the pannus removal but not the full tummy tuck and I know I really need that.  The breast lift is $5600 but that would come next year.  Is this crazy?  I CANNOT STAND my pannus - it is really annoying and ruins how clothes fit me.  He said the tummy tuck would result in 5-8 lbs lost - and at least a pants size.  HOLY COW.  This is a gift to myself right?  How do you all feel about plastic surgery?  Be honest.  I want both sides ;)

Later, I will post a semi-naked pic - for a day at least ;)

Esophagram

Coming up on 11 months since banding....

Went this week for my annual esophagram.  The report - band in great shape - but super tight.

You can see how slowly the barium swallow is passing through the band.  I am amazed that I can eat ;)  He said that if I was have heartburn, he would loosen it but so far so good.  Lost 10lbs in the last 3 weeks so I am not complaining.  I am 12 pounds from my ideal weight - and 10 pounds under my lap band goal of 182.  6 weeks left if I am to make my goal of -126 pounds in one year. 

Also, very exciting, I have my first plastic surgery consult next week.  I am nervous about getting naked but excited about the prospect of having a tummy tuck.  God knows what else he will recommend ;)

Here's a picture of me from my day at NYU.

Empty Closet

I'm alive.  Taking each day at a time.  Tonight, I finished off my closet.  My size 10s are loose so I think I am looking at a size 8 (no freaking way).  11 pounds to go.... and I have 6 weeks to do it in in order to meet my original goal of 126 lbs in 12 months. 

My closet, as many of you know, was full of those awesome size 14s that I had collected over the years hoping and praying that I would someday be able to wear.  Well, they are all going to consignment with their tags on because they fall off of my body.  I even tried them all on to see if there was anything of value.  Who does that? 

Now I have very few items of clothing and I feel good about that.  Everything I own fits me and is something that I can immediately put on.  I feel so free of all of that crap I had collected.  It was almost a religious experience.

A good purge here and there does the brain good.

Molly 38 and Molly 39

Stress Non-Eater

I've always maintained that I was not a stress eater but a former over eater - and I can now know that for sure. The last two weeks of my life have been a living hell - an emotional roller coaster. I went days without eating but I am slowly getting back on track. Trying to force in calories and protein in spite of the fact that I have absolutely no interest. No hunger and no interest.
I have lost a lot of weight in these last two weeks. But it is not good weight loss. I need to slow down the train a little and focus. I have not been to the gym, my favorite place, since last week. Today, that all changes and I am picking myself up and getting on with my life. What is meant to happen, will happen - and I will continnue to take care of myself and continue on this journey.
All this crap aside, I now weigh 172 pounds - that's 12 pounds to goal. My band anniversary is July 26 so I am more than optimistic about meeting me goal at this point. I am solidly a size 10 and now can imagine seriously that I will be a size 8 when all is said and done. It's unreal honestly.

Have I said that I love my band lately? Well, I do.

Here's a birthday pic - my 39th was on May 31. (Also, check under comparison pics because I posted one from my birthday last year.)