Friday Weigh In

I guess this is a milestone in the sense that I have now lost exactly 130 pounds in 14 months ;)

TODAY'S WEIGHT:  156 lbs

Have a great weekend everyone!!

I AM (not was, not used to, not any of that crap)

I grew up on a horse farm in Nova Scotia.  I rode show jumpers until I was 17, at which point, the finances and my weight (I couldn't be a serious rider and be chubby at the same time) kind of made it a moot point.  My daughter has been riding since she was 5.  We recently switched barns and I went to watch and to meet the trainer and the owner.  In our conversation, the trainer said, "Why don't you ride anymore?  Come ride with your daughter."  At that point, I realized that they didn't know.  For them, I AM skinny.  They don't know that I WAS FAT or that I USED TO BE FAT - or that I am newly skinny.  And for me, I didn't even realize that I was skinny enough to ride again.

Losing weight is NOTHING compared to moments like these.  These are hard.  They make you get into your car and sob with a mixture of fear and happiness.  I'm afraid because I don't know who I am right now.  And I am happy because I have left behind one of the major impediments to the life I wanted to lead.  But all the emotions come together and overwhelm me sometimes.  I have left I AM FAT behind, but I am not ready yet to leave I USED TO BE FAT behind.  I am not ready.  I am not ready to be I AM NOT FAT.  I AM NOT HEAVY.  I AM SKINNY. 

When does that transition happen?  And how does it happen?  I guess there will always be people in my life who know I USED TO BE FAT.  But what happens when my life increasingly becomes filled with people who never knew?  I guess when it happens, I will be ready.  More ready than I was yesterday I suppose.  :)

13 Years...

Finally weighed myself this morning - no change - 157.4.  That's impressive since last night was my 13th wedding anniversary and I certainly had a few drinks ;)  Here's a photo from last night - my hot date with my husband. 

Oops...and AHHHHH

Okay, I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning.  My week has been weird because my husband has been working a modified schedule - and I forgot it was Friday!  First thing tomorrow, I promise.

On the AHHH side of things.... I bought a new pair of boots... and I mean real boots - like they were super expensive and they are...(drum roll please) NOT WIDE CALF!!!  See evidence below:

I'm getting there people.  I am really struggling to figure out my personal style.  But these boots, man, I love them.  I have walked around in them all day.  My daughter thinks I have lost my mind.  They FIT my calves!!!  HOOOORRRRAAAAYYYY

Wide calf boots were one of the banes of my fat existence.  I love boots.  But the wide calf ones never seemed right.  They didn't have the look I wanted.  These Michael Kors bad boys have the look.  I am so excited.

So.. what did I do?  I pulled the 5 other pairs of boots out of my closet and tried them on.  All too wide calf for me now.  They look stupid.  So my daughter and I took pictures and posted them on ebay.  She learned something, I learned something - we had yet another one of our moments together ;)

Serendity here at my house tonight ;)



Friday Weigh In

Didn't post all week.  Been so busy - and not focused at all on my weight.  Well, that's not exactly true.  I am very alert to the differences in my perception of my body and my actual body.  This is the hard part - waiting for my brain to catch up.

WEIGHT:  157.4 lbs

This weight is my all time low.  It was crazy to see the scale move since it has pretty much been the same for the last month.  I wonder about the lack of change.  Is it mental?  "Okay, I am at goal." or is it physiological?  My body is kind of where it should be?  Who knows... regardless, it moved a little this week and my eating hasn't changed at all.  I did have my period though and that means losing some of my meals since I am one of those bandsters that gets super tight during that lovely time of the month.

Here's to a great weekend everyone!

Weigh In

Okay - Friday is my new official weigh in day.  Now that I have stopped the daily weigh in obsession, I will be a good maintenance girl and have the one day a week that I report for duty ;)

9/9/11:  158.2 lbs

Musings

Musings from my scattered brain?

How about not worrying about if your shirt gets put in the dryer?

How about working out for fun or for fitness and not to desperately lose weight?

How about being able to go into any store?

How about my feet not hurting when I get out of bed in the morning?

Heavy Weight

I am back to the gym after the summer off.  With the kids home, the gym was just not on my list.  And I have noticed something... I am weak.  I mean, I am weaker.  I used to think I was strong when I was fat.  You can bench press 75 lbs when you weight 286 lbs - but when you weigh 158 lbs, it is a bigger challenge.  It's actually quite remarkable.  I have always worked out.  But I am BLOWN away but the strength difference now that I am below 200 lbs... significantly below 200 lbs. 

But man, the gym is fun now.  I can run and run and run.  My feet don't hurt.  My knees don't hurt.  I don't feel uncomfortable in front of people.  I can physically do the things I want to do.  It's really so much more rewarding now.  If you are not working out, try it.  It feels great. 

On another note, my husband and I were at dinner last night, sitting near a young couple in their mid-twenties.  We chatted with them for a while and they said it was their first month anniversary of dating - and we laughed, noting that we were at 17 years of dating.  They asked if we had kids and we said yes, two.  And the girl said, OMG, you look amazing for having two kids!!  HAHSHHDHHAHAHHAHA
I laughed out loud and giggled inside... so funny.  This, ladies, is the time that I don't offer up that I had lapband surgery - heck no, I took this compliment and rode the pursuing high for the next hour.  Love it!