Is this getting boring?

HOW DO YOU BUY CLOTHES when you can shop anywhere?????

Here it comes....

Tickets are in hand.... off to Mexico with my husband and two other couples in February. You know what that means, right? Bathing suit time.... 99% of women get agitated by bath suit shopping (and wearing), skinny or fat. But I am on the fence, last time I weighed 210 pounds, I certainly rocked a bikini. I was 23 then and didn't give a damn. Why do I give a damn now? The one thing I resolve NOT to do is to go out and buy a black body sucker bathing suit with a skirt attached to it. I will not wear the swim dress. No way. Never again.

Attention

I go to the gym every morning, at least 5 days a week. I don't have a lot of time, about 45 minutes, and I usually spend it at a relatively high intensity so I get some bang for my buck. People are starting to notice - I think 60 pounds was the threshold. I have read on other blogs that people are afraid to say something to you because they worry you are sick and thus losing a dramatic amount of weight. I have noticed that lately as people stare at me looking like they want to say something but holding back. But at the gym, they see you running and lifting weights so they can be fairly certain that you don't have a disease that is forcing you to lose weight. And the bold are starting to comment. Today, an old man that is there at the same time every day with me said I would look like him in a year... I laughed and said I would rather have boobs! People are crazy. I might be crazy too ;)

It wouldn't be my blog if we didn't go scientific every once and awhile... how is it that pre-surgery, I would shake and sweat if I ate less than 1300 calories - but post surgery, I can eat 700-800 calories and still run 2 miles? Is it that my body is using its own storage of fat? Or was the whole blood sugar thing in my head? Or perhaps it is a combination of both? This is my question for my surgeon next week....

Slower....

I am no longer a 286 lb woman with a 46 bmi. I have to embrace that each time I step on the scale. I worked hard for the weight I lost before my first fill - and I will have to work increasingly hard as I get closer to 160 pounds. I know this. I know that losing 130 lbs is different than losing 61. Losing at all is a big deal, right? I have lost weight before, but never could I continue losing and never EVER could I keep it off. I weigh 221 lbs today. So why am I frustrated that my scale is moving slower? Deep breath... I am scared that once I hit one year, I won't lose any more weight. That is 6 months from now - why am I freaking out? I probably won't have many more 14 pound months ahead - and that scares me. Can I live with 5 lb months? I have to be able to. I have to be able to see the positive in a 5 lb month. 5 lbs is 5 lbs right?

So much talk online now about the FDA potentially lowering the BMI requirements for the band. I read too much - I read about lack of long term data and it scares me. What does my future hold? Up until now, I just wanted to get the band and get skinnier and healthier. Will I reach my goal? Will I be able to maintain it? Statistics say that 75% of all lapband patients will lose 65% of their excess body weight in 18 months. My statistics show that I have lost 50% of my excess body weight in 5 months. That's good right? But what's waiting around the corner? Can I really do this?

Ok enough Molly - let's focus on the positive - I ran 2 miles straight yesterday. I did it! And I walked away... not limping ;) If that is not a significant improvement, nothing is.

I liked the old Molly better.

This from the mouth of a drunk "friend".... thanks.
Really? You liked the tired, fat, unhappy Molly better? Or did you like the Molly who constantly overcompensated for her weight by being OVERLY gregarious and crazy? That one? That's the one you liked? Or did you really prefer the Molly that did shots with you? Just an FYI, I didn't like the old Molly too much. But really, I am the same Molly, just without the shroud of weight weighing me down and making me uncomfortable. Yes, the new Molly doesn't do shots - but I chose to give up shots of tequila in order to renew my self-esteem and live a longer healthier life for my children. Seems like a reasonable trade to me.... too bad my "friend" doesn't agree. Bye bye Friend. My band and I don't need you anymore.