Road to Assertiveness

I am trying to learn how to be assertive.  Those who know me, know that I am vocal, sometimes defensive and definitely aggressive in many ways.  I am outgoing and I have a dominant personality.  So it surprised me when my therapist charged me with developing my assertiveness.  What?  I tell people when I am happy or not.  I tell people what I want.  And he said, yes, I am sure you do.  But you don't insist that they respond in a certain way.  Well no, I guess I don't.  And then I end up beating myself up because everyone seems to let me down.  Why do heavy people tend to self-doubt?  Why do heavy people often think that their opinions mean less - or that their wants have to remain unfulfilled?  I need some insight here on "assertiveness" - what does it mean to you?

My mind's games....

Do you know that weighing yourself everyday is something that nutritionists recommend for people who want to hold their weight?  AKA, not gain weight, not lose weight.  Sometimes, while I am weighing myself twice a day, I contemplate this.... and wonder if it has the reverse effect?  If I weigh myself everyday, will I create a scenario where I don't lose any weight?  I know.... I know.  I am a little crazy - but we all have these things, don't we?  Little crazy hang ups....  This contemplation hasn't really driven me to give up the weighing addiction, although when the scale stops moving, I do stop stepping on it, even if only for a few days, just to see if it is true what they say..... ;)

Take Control of Your Care

Seriously?  I know that many doctors and pharmacists are not knowledgeable about the lap band.  But really?  On Sunday, I went to the doctor because my kids and me are sick.  They both got prescriptions and the doctor said I looked like I had a sinus infection and she recommended that I give it a day or two to see if it got better on its own - but if I was not better by Wednesday, I should take something.  I told her I could not take pills and that I wanted liquid Levaquin.  She wrote the prescription.  Tuesday night I had a temperature so I dropped the prescription off at Rite Aid.  They said they did not have it in stock and they would order it.  Wednesday they called to say they could not get it.  I called 20 different pharmacies and none had the liquid formulation.  Turns out that Levaquin pills cannot be crushed.  After 6 phone calls to my doctor and pharmacist, I finally took my care into my own hands.  Just give me liquid Augmentin and I will see if it works.  Round and round and round.  It is very frustrating.  My resolution came only after I called the pharmacy at NYU, where my surgery was done.  They made the recommendation because they know how to care for lapband patients.  Do not take for granted that doctors know how to care for you.... they are only our partners - they are guides.  We need to ultimately ensure that we get appropriate and suitable care.

Lapband surgery is quickly becoming the most COMMON surgery in the United States....is there a chance that the average small town physician will embrace the learning curve?

Bang!

I got a fill last Tuesday - 0.5 ccs. I think that puts me around 8ccs? Since my fill (in one week), I have lost 6 pounds. Yeah, 6. Six. Seis. I am not complaining - but I am trying to figure out why. I know that I drop quickly in the two liquid days, but why does it continue? And how far off track was I in the days leading up to my fill?

Those of you with children know that the second a mother gets used to one thing, the baby changes completely. I think the band is a lot like that. We chase this ideal level of restriction sometimes without realizing that it is a non static thing as well. Do I have restriction right now? I can only eat about a cup (or a cup and a half) of food and it takes me about 30 minutes to do that. I start very slowly and take a couple of minutes to get the process going. I eat twice a day - and will have a protein shake in the am if it is a day that I workout. I don't snack but I do drink coffee in between meals. This is restriction. I don't really enjoy eating and don't look forward to it the way I did before I had surgery. When something is really good and I eat it correctly, I do feel happy (the hummus at dinner on Friday). The thing is, this won't last forever. I will probably need another fill someday ;)

I know I have talked about this before but recently banded people who are in bandster hell don't realize completely that that period is a training period. You have no restriction. You have NO IDEA what restriction feels like. It is your practice time. Take it. Use it. Practice eating slowly in that period where making a mistake means puking it all up. (My husband calls it LOSING IT.) Be nice to yourself. This is a major transition and your success will come ;)

The dress came.....

As promised (ignore the fact that I just came from the gym and look a wreck)...

Boston Proper's size charts say: XXS(0), XS(2-4), S(6-8), M(10-12), L(14-16). This is a LARGE!!! My first non-plus sized dress in 18 years....