What is going on?

Ok....I held my weight exactly at 200.2 for two weeks.  Then, on April 1, I finally made it into Onderland.  In the last 7 days, however, I have lost 6 lbs.  I'm not complaining, but I have no idea what is going on.  Just when you think you might have this thing figured out....

Maybe my body was afraid of Onederland - and now that we are there, it's like, "Okay, I can do this." -or maybe (and probably more likely) I was not eating enough.  Yesterday was not a stellar food day, but I kept everything down so that has to be an improvement. 

I guess I just have to accept that I have no idea what is going on and that I just need to stay the course and accept that each week is different.  Next week I fully expect to not lose anything.  I won't like it, but I will have to accept it.  ;)

GYNO NSV

Went to the obgyn today and, for the first time in my adult life, the only thing they had to say about my weight was "GOOD JOB."  But that's not really the NSV I am talking about.  I am talking about this:

Yes ladies...that's a gyno robe... and yes, it could more than wrap around me.  HOLY COW!!!!  That was a definite first in my life.... no slit up to my privates, no boobs hanging out.  It almost made what came after okay...I said almost.

Fat Pictures...

Took this today after my work out....

And I downloaded it and saved it in the file I have on my computer called "Fat Pictures."  When I saved it, I realized it is not really a FAT PICTURE - it is more like an overweight picture.  I made that file to hold all of the pre-op pictures I collected the week before my surgery.  I assembled a group of pictures of myself that I hated - that made me feel digusted with myself.  So how can I drop this picture into that folder?   I need to rename this file.  Got any good ideas? 

Clothes....

So I had my sale like a month ago and I made about $500.00.  Then I took the ton of clothes that were left to this awesome lady at a nearby consignment store.  They had a 20 item limit, but she took all 200+ pieces that I brought in.  Some with tags, all in great shape.  All sizes 18-22.  She was lovely and it was a positive experience.  Should start getting checks by next week.  I don't care though, I just wanted it gone. 

Then today, I went to New York and Company and bought a pair of cropped jeans - they have some stretch to them, but I bought a freaking size 12.  They are a little tight but I can do them up and I can certainly wear them comfortably.  So I promptly came home and faced what remains in my closet.

I have a collection of clothes that I bought (tags on) in Plus Size 14 and XLs.  They do not fit me in any way.  But they were the clothes that I held on to HOPING AND PRAYING that one day, some way, they would fit me again.  And they don't fit still....just the opposite way - they are too big.  So I removed them from my closet, what a strange feeling.  And I will take them to the consignment shop as well.  But it is weird...they were my goal.

I have a normal, non stretch pair of size 12 jeans from the Gap.  They are my next goal.  In fact, when I bought them, I assumed they would be my final goal.  But how can that be so when I have 39 pounds to lose?  Is there any way in hell that I will actually end up a size 10?????  That seems unbelievable to me.  And I am forced yet again to think about the words of my therapist....the body gets skinny before the brain does.  And my brain is like 4 sizes bigger than my body. ;)

ONEDERLAND!!!!!

OH THANK GOD..... This has been the longest two weeks of my banded journey.  Two weeks filled with angst and self-doubt.  But my scale is moving again and it has finally moved below 200.  I feel RELIEVED more than any other emotion.  YIPPPEEEEEE. I don't ever want to see it above 200 again in my life.