Friday Weigh In - and the Unfill

Hiya - happy Friday!

Lowest recorded weight today:  147 lbs  (that's 139 lbs lost)

Got my .15 cc unfill yesterday.  Dr. Fielding agreed that it was time to slow down the wagon.  I told him I was extremely nervous and he said that it was right to be nervous - that we had to find a good balance.  I have been losing about .5 to 1 pound per month and that really has to stop.  But he wants to make sure I don't get hungry - so the game begins.  I go back in 5 weeks.  The .15 was the undo of my last fill - one year ago.  PLEASE don't let me gain weight.  I have to tell myself that anything between 146 and 150 is FINE.  And be FINE with that.  It is so incredibly hard to shake the LOSER mind set.  I must lose.  I must lose.  God, I have had that mindset for more than two decades. 

Here's a pic from my Saturday night date in NYC with my husband.  Have a great weekend!

Delay

So, doc cancelled.  Turns out docs can get sick - I go next week.

Also, I am abandoning the weekly weigh in - there's no point....  I am down .2.  No movement is good at this point.  Holding is beautiful.  I will post my weight once a month.  This is for life right?  Then why obsess anymore?

Instead, I will go back to waxing philosophical on the mental game that is weight loss.  That's much more fun anyway ;)

Unfill

Going to NYU in a couple of hours and I am very nervous.  It's funny.  I am trying to figure out why.  I don't want to gain weight.  I don't want to go back.  As tight as I am and as much as I still struggle to avoid PBing, I don't know what will happen after an unfill.  Keep you posted ;)

On another note, went to Ann Taylor to buy a suit.  SIZE 4.  Yes, you read that right.  I am a size freaking 4 in my new suit.  It is actually ridiculous - they must run big right???  My hubby came with me and he was really really supportive which was nice.  It was the first time in my life that I could try on anything and ended up picking a suit because it looked great rather than, "Hey, it fits."  Memorable moments....

The time has also come to do my breast lift.  I am going on February 8 for the final consultation.  I really cannot stand this part of my body anymore and I have to take action rather than sitting around and lamenting something that could so easily and quickly be remedied.  This is 2012 and I am living this year for me.  And ME wants new boobs ;)

Weigh In Day

Today's Weight:  147.4 lbs (up .2 since December 23)

AND THIS ROCKS because that was Christmas, the holiday week, New Year's.... An SV if you will ;)
Very happy about this number, very happy that I seem to have settled in.  Now I question whether I should have the unfill - but I am keeping the appointment and will let good ole' Doctor Fielding decide.

2012

I'm gonna be 40 this year - and I am okay with that ;)  This is going to be my year - my year to be me, the authentic me, me without my padding, me without other people's crap, ME.