Reflections....NSVs and other mild varieties of torture

Went to Mexico last Friday.  Major NSV when I fit in the airplane seat and could do up the seat belt without an extender.   Upon arrival however, I realized that I had left the pile of my new and exciting bathing suits on my dresser....  come on girls, imagine?  Bathing suit acquisition is a long and arduous process.... and I had just realized that I had not a single one.  So I promptly fell to pieces and my husband packed me into a taxi cab and took me to a mall in Cancun.  A mall...can you imagine?  In Mexico?  The land of small frame people and thongs?  I cried the whole time... but did finally find something in Sears Cancun ;)  Still shaking, in the cab, my hubby looks and me and says, "Come on Molly....six months ago you never could have done this, walked into any store and bought a suit."  You know what, he was right.  Massive NSV.  (And very supportive husband to boot...) 

I did however remember to bring my series of newly acquired resort dresses and I was so happy to put those on each night.  I felt great.  AND, on top of that, we went to have a couples massage and the freaking SPA ROBE FIT ME!  Yup, I could do it up and not worry that I was showing anything.  TOTALLY AMAZING NSV!!!!

So, all in all, it was a great trip.  No cute bathing suits, but a success nonetheless. 

And one other thing, came home to my scale and found that I didn't gain a single pound.  Didn't lose in the last 6 days, but didn't gain.

Here are some pics....

Fat Girl Moments....

I have to share these two moments with you all, because really, who else will get it?

This morning, I went to get a spray tan.  I have never done it before but I look REALLY pasty and I want to look good in Mexico.  The small bikini girl gave me the instructions and the full run down.  When she was done, I looked at the red line on the floor and asked, "What is that for?  Do I put my toes on that or stand over it?"  And she said, "Oh don't worry, you'll be fine - that's for big girls who might stand too close to the nozzles."  NO WAY!  Bikini girl didn't include me in the category of people who take up so much room in the booth that they need to be reminded to stand back.... I had a moment.  I honestly wanted to kiss her.  I forgot all the instructions during my brief moment of gleeeeeeee.

Then, walking out to my car, I could see that someone had parked so closely to my car, that there was no way I was going to be able to get in the driver side.  My mind raced - oh no, I need to try to get in the passenger side and somehow climb to the other side.... But when I got to my car, I realized that I could just slide into the small opening on the driver's side - another sweet little moment had.

Being heavy, being obese is HARD and I don't think we realize how much we struggle to even do minor things like putting our shoes on or getting into our own cars.  I am holding these two little moments in my hands and smiling.  Thank you lap band ;)

Pre Vacation Anxiety...in a new and exciting form

Off to Mexico in 2 days - can't wait to spend some time with my husband sans children - and just be an adult.  Oh, maybe I should rewrite that last sentence.... and just be a normal, not HUGE adult at the beach with my husband ;)  I would normally be anxiety-ridden right now, worrying about how much weight I would gain eating and drinking my heart out.  But nope, with my friend the band, I don't really have to worry about eating myself into a hole.  That's all worked out.  I am however pretty worked up about what it will feel like in my new body, in my new bathing suit.  OMG.  I really truly cannot wait to feel normal and average and not large and sweaty and uncomfortable.  Is it even possible? 

Dear Lane Bryant:

Today I have lost 75 pounds.  It has been 6 and half months since my surgery.  And while you have been a steady friend of mine through the past 2 decades, I regret to inform you that I will no longer grace the sales floors of your stores.  Be honest.  You know our relationship has often been strained.  I most often felt horrible when I was with you and I frequently bought things from you that I didn't really like just because I had to clothe myself.  Well, those days are over.  At 211 pounds, I no longer need to rely on you and am now, in fact, free to see other people. ;)  So long my friend!

Love, Molly

Life After Food

I used to plan my day around when and what I would eat.  When I was dieting, I would plan everything, tracking and calculating.  When I was not dieting, I would plan what restaurant to go to and obsess about what I wanted to eat.  I want you to know that there is a life after food, as long as you are willing to embrace it. 

Tonight we had a dinner party.  My husband was incredible as always.  He made shredded pork tacos with chipotle mayo and a slaw dressing.  I ate 2 pieces of the pork filling.  I would have eaten 4 tacos before.  I would have obsessed all day about the tacos, they are amazing.  He made a salad, I ate a couple of pieces of the arugula and a small slice of cheddar cheese.  He made rice with asparagus and I ate half an aparagus stalk.  He made filet mignon and I ate about 2 ounces of it.  And you know what, I survived!  I skipped the cream brulee and I am actually still breathing and my heart is still pumping.  I even had a good time.  Food or no food.