10/28/2011: 153.8
Here's a pic:
Friday, October 28, 2011
Waaayyyy In
Hiya everyone :) It's a beautiful day and I feel upbeat for some crazy reason. Weight is kind of holding steady, lost .2 lbs in 2 weeks, snickers included.
10/28/2011: 153.8
Here's a pic:
10/28/2011: 153.8
Here's a pic:
Monday, October 24, 2011
Snickers and Silent Protests
Yeah, so I skipped my weigh in day. It was a silent female protest of the period kind. Who needs it anyway? I'll be back on Friday with a non-period weight report.
Now let's talk about Snickers and how my lap band is obviously female. Nope, this is not one of my waxing philosophical posts.... sorry.
I can't eat anything when I have my period. I survive on protein shakes. BUT, I can eat a mini snickers bar. Go figure. Apparently my lap band and my bloating support the consumption of chocolate, but not the consumption of solid protein. THANK GOD I am not a sweets girl. THANK GOD Halloween comes only once a year. AND THANK GOD my period only last for a couple of days.
Now let's talk about Snickers and how my lap band is obviously female. Nope, this is not one of my waxing philosophical posts.... sorry.
I can't eat anything when I have my period. I survive on protein shakes. BUT, I can eat a mini snickers bar. Go figure. Apparently my lap band and my bloating support the consumption of chocolate, but not the consumption of solid protein. THANK GOD I am not a sweets girl. THANK GOD Halloween comes only once a year. AND THANK GOD my period only last for a couple of days.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Padding
I listen to Dr. Laura okay? I admit it. I'm a therapy junkie and while her politics don't really mesh with mine, her advice is usually no BS, straight-forward, be honest with yourself guidance. I dig it.
Today there was an interesting caller. They were discussing weight gain as self-control or maybe even self-sabotage. The caller was questioning why she was putting on weight and how she felt a little depressed with her life and her marriage. Dr. Laura said "Because you think you might want to cheat on your husband and you put on weight to limit your options." Hmmmm.... it went silent on the phone too. "Be honest."
After some back and forth, the woman admitted that she felt her life lacked some excitement - and the good doctor kind of took her to task on her self esteem, etc. In the end, she ended up discerning that it was not cheating this woman needed, in fact, it was nothing external. She needed a change in her routine - not another man. It was an interesting back and forth.
It made me think. I think that I might have done this. I think that I protected myself from what I perceived as weaknesses in my ability to not flirt, not cheat, be a faithful wife. After all, my husband is really my only long term, serious, monogamous relationship. Maybe I was worried that I would act in my marriage the way I had acted before - like nothing mattered. And I think, in retrospect, my husband colluded with me. I think that we both worked together to fatten me up - to diminish my perceived freedom. I think it was an unspoken safety net that we created together.
And while I do have the band and I did get some "help", I was at a serious turning point in my marriage when I made this decision. I think that I realized that I did not have to have "padding" to be faithful. I did not have to have "padding" to be honest. In fact, I did not have to have "padding" to love him and want him and want to be true to him. I could do it myself - without padding, without barriers, without brakes. And you know what, it's so true.
While many men are undoubtly destabilized by dramatic weight loss in their wives, I challenge my husband to see my weight loss as my realization that I don't need anything but my love for him and my commitment to him. I don't need to weigh 286 lbs to keep myself faithful. I just need to love me - and love him. That's the trick. The other stuff is unecessary padding ;)
Today there was an interesting caller. They were discussing weight gain as self-control or maybe even self-sabotage. The caller was questioning why she was putting on weight and how she felt a little depressed with her life and her marriage. Dr. Laura said "Because you think you might want to cheat on your husband and you put on weight to limit your options." Hmmmm.... it went silent on the phone too. "Be honest."
After some back and forth, the woman admitted that she felt her life lacked some excitement - and the good doctor kind of took her to task on her self esteem, etc. In the end, she ended up discerning that it was not cheating this woman needed, in fact, it was nothing external. She needed a change in her routine - not another man. It was an interesting back and forth.
It made me think. I think that I might have done this. I think that I protected myself from what I perceived as weaknesses in my ability to not flirt, not cheat, be a faithful wife. After all, my husband is really my only long term, serious, monogamous relationship. Maybe I was worried that I would act in my marriage the way I had acted before - like nothing mattered. And I think, in retrospect, my husband colluded with me. I think that we both worked together to fatten me up - to diminish my perceived freedom. I think it was an unspoken safety net that we created together.
And while I do have the band and I did get some "help", I was at a serious turning point in my marriage when I made this decision. I think that I realized that I did not have to have "padding" to be faithful. I did not have to have "padding" to be honest. In fact, I did not have to have "padding" to love him and want him and want to be true to him. I could do it myself - without padding, without barriers, without brakes. And you know what, it's so true.
While many men are undoubtly destabilized by dramatic weight loss in their wives, I challenge my husband to see my weight loss as my realization that I don't need anything but my love for him and my commitment to him. I don't need to weigh 286 lbs to keep myself faithful. I just need to love me - and love him. That's the trick. The other stuff is unecessary padding ;)
Monday, October 10, 2011
Who Are You?
If you follow, you know that this transition for me has not come without its fair share of relationship drama. What happens when the fat sister, the fat friend, the fat wife is no longer fat? Who am I? And who are you? When we struggle to redefine ourselves, it forces us to take good hard long looks at the people around us too. To say it is destabilizing is to put it mildly. Plus, to realize that for yourself and for those around you, your SIZE was part of what defined you, even if you denied it when you were pushing 300 pounds. There are days when I feel free and so happy - and then there are days when I feel like an imposter, walking around in some costume that I picked up somewhere. This body needs to become mine. I wish there was a button I could push to make this part of the process pass more quickly.
Two pics from NYC yesterday - at a street fair.
Two pics from NYC yesterday - at a street fair.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)