December 2009
December 2010
December 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
For real this time
I am going to get my first unfill ever in 2 weeks. For real this time.... no playing.
First of all, I have lost 137-140 lbs now in 17 months. I weigh between 146 and 148 lbs. I am a solid size 6.
Secondly, and most importantly, people have started to comment. And comment the other way... my house cleaner, who is crazy, outgoing and unedited, told me the other day that I looked better with 10 more pounds on me. And a friend of my husband's, who I skyped with today, told me that I look too skinny. That is two people in one week.
My ribs do show. My collar bone is exposed. My hip bones have no padding. My face has changed a lot in the last 25 lbs. I get it. I just don't get it. I have a lifetime of the "MUST LOSE" mentality. And I know that not all lap band patients get to this point, where they must learn to slow the beast. So there is not a lot of support or references on this topic. There are in fact still days where I feel fat. There are days when I confuse skin with body fat. But it's time.
I am going to have them pull .25 ccs. That should help me hold rather than gain. I don't want to gain. I will feel very out of control if I start to gain.
I know this post is retarded.... but I made a promise to post about my journey - and this is my current pit stop along the way. Crazy.
First of all, I have lost 137-140 lbs now in 17 months. I weigh between 146 and 148 lbs. I am a solid size 6.
Secondly, and most importantly, people have started to comment. And comment the other way... my house cleaner, who is crazy, outgoing and unedited, told me the other day that I looked better with 10 more pounds on me. And a friend of my husband's, who I skyped with today, told me that I look too skinny. That is two people in one week.
My ribs do show. My collar bone is exposed. My hip bones have no padding. My face has changed a lot in the last 25 lbs. I get it. I just don't get it. I have a lifetime of the "MUST LOSE" mentality. And I know that not all lap band patients get to this point, where they must learn to slow the beast. So there is not a lot of support or references on this topic. There are in fact still days where I feel fat. There are days when I confuse skin with body fat. But it's time.
I am going to have them pull .25 ccs. That should help me hold rather than gain. I don't want to gain. I will feel very out of control if I start to gain.
I know this post is retarded.... but I made a promise to post about my journey - and this is my current pit stop along the way. Crazy.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Merry Merry!
My lapband and I wish you a very happy holiday :)
We made Christmas cookies today. Didn't eat a single one. Last year, it took me three PBs to get the point. This year, a la Pavlov's dog, I was not even interested. Crazy. For sure.
And today is Friday - and that means WEIGH IN day. Here's my number today: 147.2
I sincerely hope you all have an amazing holiday. I also hope that, if you have the band, you are learning to enjoy holidays as non-food events. I think that most would agree that we celebrate with food. If you are working your band, I hope that you feel somewhat like I do, FOOD is no longer the focus. People, friends, experiences - they should be the focus. Oh, and maybe a new pair of skinny jeans ;)
We made Christmas cookies today. Didn't eat a single one. Last year, it took me three PBs to get the point. This year, a la Pavlov's dog, I was not even interested. Crazy. For sure.
And today is Friday - and that means WEIGH IN day. Here's my number today: 147.2
I sincerely hope you all have an amazing holiday. I also hope that, if you have the band, you are learning to enjoy holidays as non-food events. I think that most would agree that we celebrate with food. If you are working your band, I hope that you feel somewhat like I do, FOOD is no longer the focus. People, friends, experiences - they should be the focus. Oh, and maybe a new pair of skinny jeans ;)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Omg....
I saw the 140s this morning... OMG....
How? Why? Holy cow. I am just living my life....doing my thing. I love my lap band ;)
This time of year would normally be one during which I would pack on the pounds. The gym is less visited. Dinners out are more frequent. Cookies. Celebrations. But my lap band is here and present - and keeping me in check. I look at the cookies. I even think maybe I would try it. But why? I will see the cookie again and it ain't pretty.
17 months have passed since I was given this gift. 17 months and 137 pounds gone. 2011 has been one of the most challenging years of my life and I could not comfort myself with food - and I was forced to show up emotionally and do the work, not hide in a bag of chips. Sure, I post pictures of myself and I revel in my size six jeans, but the most amazing transformation has been internal - something no one else really can see. All of my padding is gone and Molly had to show up. And she has shown up. And the journey is not over...
How? Why? Holy cow. I am just living my life....doing my thing. I love my lap band ;)
This time of year would normally be one during which I would pack on the pounds. The gym is less visited. Dinners out are more frequent. Cookies. Celebrations. But my lap band is here and present - and keeping me in check. I look at the cookies. I even think maybe I would try it. But why? I will see the cookie again and it ain't pretty.
17 months have passed since I was given this gift. 17 months and 137 pounds gone. 2011 has been one of the most challenging years of my life and I could not comfort myself with food - and I was forced to show up emotionally and do the work, not hide in a bag of chips. Sure, I post pictures of myself and I revel in my size six jeans, but the most amazing transformation has been internal - something no one else really can see. All of my padding is gone and Molly had to show up. And she has shown up. And the journey is not over...
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Hairy legs
Can we talk?
I am not sure that I realized how annoying, uncomfortable and difficult it was to shave my legs when I weighed 286 pounds. No wonder I always put it off....
Now, not only do I have less square footage to shave, but I can bend over - or even lift my leg up. I mean really....
Just taking a quick moment to enjoy the little tiny things in my new not-fat life.
I am not sure that I realized how annoying, uncomfortable and difficult it was to shave my legs when I weighed 286 pounds. No wonder I always put it off....
Now, not only do I have less square footage to shave, but I can bend over - or even lift my leg up. I mean really....
Just taking a quick moment to enjoy the little tiny things in my new not-fat life.
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