Frustration

Frustration has set in a little. I had a .5 cc fill on Thursday and I really cannot eat anything. I had to hide in the bushes at soccer yesterday to spit up a drink of lemonade that I took too quickly. All that time that the doctors tell you to chew thoroughly and sip your drinks, it was practice. Practice for this time where the band is unforgiving and nothing goes through that hasn't been completely measured and masticated. I am kind of frustrated.... ;( My sister is visiting and she was not really supportive of this surgery - and then to have her see me struggle like this - it is a little embarassing. She didn't even comment on my weight loss!!

I keep telling myself that this is a rough period and it will pass and I will make the adjustment. I am bolstered by my doctor's visit and their positively thrilled feedback on my progress to date. I have been chugging along - 5lbs in 3 weeks. I cannot complain about that - and the doctor is extremely impressed with my progress. I have to keep reminding myself that this was the point - I want to be skinnier. I want to wear nice clothes. Yesterday I wore size 18 skinny jeans with 3 inch heel boots - I felt so different. No longer the FATEST girl in the room. I have to keep focusing on this - and not on the other things.

One note on the physical....I can feel my band now. Maybe it is the swelling... but I can feel it. If I lie on my left side, I feel my organs pushing on it. It's strange - I never felt it before. But as the nurse said, we are now getting to the sweet spot - to the kind of restriction that I am supposed to have. I don't go back until November 15 so it will be interesting to see how I settle into this over the next couple of weeks.

Party (Revised Version)

Last night, my husband and I threw our 4th annual Tapas Party. This party is the biggest in our group of friends. 40 people come to our house and my husband cooks for days. This year, the party was very different for me. Usually I eat endlessly for 5 hours, drink enough to stay buzzy for hours and have a great time. Different party this year since my band was in attendance.

I am a tequila drinker. I can drink a lot of tequila. And I did do one shot - and let me just say, it was not pleasant. The tequila hits the pouch and hangs there for a little while - not fun. Tequila is not meant to sit in your esophagus. It burned. I did not do it again. I did drink some skinny girl margaritas and I hung out with the greatest friends anyone could ever ask for. I did not eat however. Late in the evening, I ate some chicken from the inside of an enchilada - and I ate some ceviche. But I can assure you, I was the ONLY hungry person at midnight.

The party was very different for me this time. I still had fun. I still loved being with the people. But this party is a food party... and I am no longer a food person. Do I sound a little bummed? Maybe I was... for a couple of hours, but today, I don't feel like crap. There's a definite upside.

The Gym.....

I had the best workout this morning. I had my IPod cranking and I really pushed myself hard. And I wore a TANK TOP to the gym.... no way. Usually I would be fully covered. Thought I would share a picture of where I am right now - 32 pounds down and under 100 to go. Love my band ;)

I hate eating....

Day 72 post-op, reporting from the field of battle....

I remember eating without thinking. Mindless eating. Eating what was in front of you. Eating enough for a whole day at one sitting.... well, I kind of remember that. Tell you one thing, I sure don't miss it.

I hate eating now. I mean it. Eating is slow, time-consuming and seriously frustrating. I haven't had a single meal in the last 2 weeks that didn't take more time than it was worth.

HOLY COW PEOPLE...this freaking band might be working??????

Here's my typical day lately:
7:30am - COFFEE
8:15-9:00am - GYM (interval/weight training)
9:30am PROTEIN SHAKE (on gym days only)
10-12pm: I focus on consuming liquid (water, G2 or Vitamin Water Zero) - I can usually get about 20-24 ounces in during this time.
12:30pm: 3 ounces of chicken breast, one tablespoon mayo and a little lettuce or zucchini
1:30-4:30pm: again, I drink about 20 ounces of fluid during this time
4:30pm: one low fat laughing cow spreadable wedge of cheese (and maybe a bagel crisp)
6:30pm: 4 ounces fish, half cup of broccoli

This is about 950 - 1050 calories (depending on the shake). I worry because I don't eat fruit really at all anymore. The other day I even looked up the symptoms of scurvy... but I take my vitamins and I feel really good. And.... DRUM ROLL.... I am losing weight for the first time in 2 decades.

I have to see my surgeon next week....do I need a fill?? I have FOR SURE loosened since last time. I couldn't eat for 4 days after the last fill. What will next week have in store for me?

Total Scale Victory

30 POUNDS GONE FROM THIS BODY!!! Today, I weigh 256 pounds - still large and in charge - but 30 pounds less of me. SO HAPPY - so incredibly happy!!