Friday Weigh In

I guess this is a milestone in the sense that I have now lost exactly 130 pounds in 14 months ;)

TODAY'S WEIGHT:  156 lbs

Have a great weekend everyone!!

I AM (not was, not used to, not any of that crap)

I grew up on a horse farm in Nova Scotia.  I rode show jumpers until I was 17, at which point, the finances and my weight (I couldn't be a serious rider and be chubby at the same time) kind of made it a moot point.  My daughter has been riding since she was 5.  We recently switched barns and I went to watch and to meet the trainer and the owner.  In our conversation, the trainer said, "Why don't you ride anymore?  Come ride with your daughter."  At that point, I realized that they didn't know.  For them, I AM skinny.  They don't know that I WAS FAT or that I USED TO BE FAT - or that I am newly skinny.  And for me, I didn't even realize that I was skinny enough to ride again.

Losing weight is NOTHING compared to moments like these.  These are hard.  They make you get into your car and sob with a mixture of fear and happiness.  I'm afraid because I don't know who I am right now.  And I am happy because I have left behind one of the major impediments to the life I wanted to lead.  But all the emotions come together and overwhelm me sometimes.  I have left I AM FAT behind, but I am not ready yet to leave I USED TO BE FAT behind.  I am not ready.  I am not ready to be I AM NOT FAT.  I AM NOT HEAVY.  I AM SKINNY. 

When does that transition happen?  And how does it happen?  I guess there will always be people in my life who know I USED TO BE FAT.  But what happens when my life increasingly becomes filled with people who never knew?  I guess when it happens, I will be ready.  More ready than I was yesterday I suppose.  :)

13 Years...

Finally weighed myself this morning - no change - 157.4.  That's impressive since last night was my 13th wedding anniversary and I certainly had a few drinks ;)  Here's a photo from last night - my hot date with my husband. 

Oops...and AHHHHH

Okay, I totally forgot to weigh myself this morning.  My week has been weird because my husband has been working a modified schedule - and I forgot it was Friday!  First thing tomorrow, I promise.

On the AHHH side of things.... I bought a new pair of boots... and I mean real boots - like they were super expensive and they are...(drum roll please) NOT WIDE CALF!!!  See evidence below:

I'm getting there people.  I am really struggling to figure out my personal style.  But these boots, man, I love them.  I have walked around in them all day.  My daughter thinks I have lost my mind.  They FIT my calves!!!  HOOOORRRRAAAAYYYY

Wide calf boots were one of the banes of my fat existence.  I love boots.  But the wide calf ones never seemed right.  They didn't have the look I wanted.  These Michael Kors bad boys have the look.  I am so excited.

So.. what did I do?  I pulled the 5 other pairs of boots out of my closet and tried them on.  All too wide calf for me now.  They look stupid.  So my daughter and I took pictures and posted them on ebay.  She learned something, I learned something - we had yet another one of our moments together ;)

Serendity here at my house tonight ;)



Friday Weigh In

Didn't post all week.  Been so busy - and not focused at all on my weight.  Well, that's not exactly true.  I am very alert to the differences in my perception of my body and my actual body.  This is the hard part - waiting for my brain to catch up.

WEIGHT:  157.4 lbs

This weight is my all time low.  It was crazy to see the scale move since it has pretty much been the same for the last month.  I wonder about the lack of change.  Is it mental?  "Okay, I am at goal." or is it physiological?  My body is kind of where it should be?  Who knows... regardless, it moved a little this week and my eating hasn't changed at all.  I did have my period though and that means losing some of my meals since I am one of those bandsters that gets super tight during that lovely time of the month.

Here's to a great weekend everyone!